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Slipstream Poets

 

 

    2012 West Sussex Competition

     Results

Winner & recipient of the Chanctonbury Cup

Clifford Hughes of Burgess Hill - 'The Gift'   

Highly Commended

Diana Mitchenor of Billingshurst - 'Derwent Drive'

Juliet West of Billingshurst - 'Summer 1984' 

Commended

Cliiford Hughes - 'Waiting To Cross Croydon Hight Street In The Rain'

Susan Skinner -  of Hurstpierpoint - 'Winter Ways'

Special Mention

Marion Sharville - of Worthing - 'Recognition'

CHANCTONBURY CUP 2012 ― JUDGE’S REPORT

 

Having been an entrant in many poetry competitions over the years, I have consequently read a good number of judge’s reports and, almost without exception, they have repeated a truism: the process of judging is largely subjective. It therefore follows that a different judge would most likely have produced an entirely different set of results, and I can only attempt to explain how and why I managed to select one poem from a total of 107 as this years winner of the Chanctonbury Cup.

 

It is hard to define exactly what qualities make for a winning poem, as opposed to simply an interesting, capably-written one. I suppose I was looking for combinations of ideas and choices of vocabulary that stand out for their originality and thought-provoking qualities; a poem that has lines that I actually envy for their impact, and the unusual connections they make for me. I have to admit to enjoying the quirky and surreal, as well as the more formal and traditional pieces. I very much admire the craft of those writers who manage to make the whole thing look totally effortless ― like it just fell onto the page ― those poems full of subtlety that disguise all the hard work that went into them because they flow so well. Rare pieces that stay in the mind. All of which sounds a rather tall order. But there is no harm in aiming high. As it turns out, I wasn’t disappointed.

 

On my first read through of all the entries, I was struck by the variety of interpretations of the theme ‘Encounters’. This variety, plus the generally high standard of work, made the task more entertaining, and much less of a chore than it might otherwise have been. Every piece had something to offer, which meant it wasn’t easy to make a shortlist without being quite brutal. Having initially whittled down the numbers to 18 (shortlist of these titles included below), I then re-read all 107 just to make sure I hadn’t missed anything, and thus discovered how many poems benefit greatly from being read again, allowing their meanings and subtleties of form and language to impact more fully. I found a lot to like and admire in the inventiveness and skill on display. It had crossed my mind that the winner might just jump out at me, and so make things very simple, but the truth was that there were a number of very close contenders, which meant several more read throughs, plus some nail biting. Which seems only right, given the work that went into the poems themselves.

 

I made copious notes on things deserving of mention, which I have had to somehow condense down, and I hope will be of interest to those who entered. As already mentioned, I was impressed by the sheer variety ― trust a poet’s imagination to come up with such a diversity of possible interpretations for the theme ‘Encounters’ ― the range of subject matter would make an interesting anthology, with poems on wildly contrasting  topics such as Love; War; The Devil; Angels; Food; UFOs; Animals; Landscape; Nightmares and Art, plus some less easy to categorize. I noticed some recurring themes, which were possibly generated as the result of ideas begun in workshops. It was good to see a selection of forms, too, both modern and one or two traditional, like the sonnet and rondeau, which were used confidently and to good effect.

 

I found myself reaching for the dictionary several times and acquainting myself with words I wasn’t familiar with. I looked up words like ‘tupik’ ― meaning a tent of animal skins; ‘podanipter’ ― a foot bath, and the French term ‘Flaneur’ for idler or loafer. So the exercise became educational. Entries were also peppered with literary and artistic references or nods to Shakespeare; Jane Austen; Shelley; Ted Hughes; Thom Gunn; Tennyson and Robert Frost, plus the odd artist or two; a couple of composers; an historian and an archaeologist.

 

I was very glad to find well-written examples of humour, too ― pieces ideal for performance in the traditional monologue style favoured by performers like Stanley Holloway of ‘The Lion and Albert’ fame. Humour is surprisingly hard to write, and seems to enjoy less success in competition than it deserves. The poem titled ‘Recognition’ made me laugh out loud, which earned it a place in the final six, and why I felt I should give it a Special Mention. Another humorous poem ― ‘A Close Encounter of the Feathered Kind’ ― also made it onto the short list.

 

I was treated to some admirable opening lines, with a contrasting range of vivid imagery, a few of which I have extracted as examples. I can’t imagine how anyone with an appreciation of poetry could fail to respond to lines such as “My mother, like a brown speckled moth/rests her velvet wings of dust/on the rough bark of an endless day...” or the hauntingly strange “She is a glassworm/in a toxic stream/ transparent and soon/crushed.” Many of these lines have stayed with me, which surely proves their effectiveness. Stanzas such as “Hold your tongue, gargoyle,/you water-spout horror, don’t/ vomit your outlets from gutters on us ―/ we have spasms and spite/ of our own.” dig their claws into the imagination and won’t let go. 

 

THE 18 SHORTLISTED POEMS (Numerical Order)

 

 11       A Taste of Tapas                                                      Diana Mitchener

 13       Derwent Drive             (Highly Commended)            Diana Mitchener 

 17       A Close Encounter of the Feathered Kind                Patricia Stoner

 25       Thank You Mother                                                  David Slade

 39       Wunderkammer                                                      Yvonne Phillips

112      Recognition     (Special Mention for Humour)           Marion Sharville

137      Resting                                                                    Rose bray

141      Winter Ways (for Paul, not Robert) (Commended)  Susan Skinner

151      Alive or Dead?                                                        David Slade

156      Alienation                                                                Audrey Lee

158      Summer, 1984             (Highly Commended)           Juliet West

160      Harry Encounters the Blue                                       Mandy Pannett

163      Kiss from the Edge                                                 Mandy Pannett

165      Buckland Digs                                                        Mandy Pannett

183      Spirit People                                                          Clifford Hughes

184      The Gift                 (Winner: Chanctonbury Cup)    Clifford Hughes

186      Waiting to Cross Croydon High Street              

                                   in the Rain.      (Commended)         Clifford Hughes

187      Chance Encounter                                                 Clifford Hughes

                                                              ************

 

Comments regarding the final six as follows:

 

Recognition (Special Mention for Humour)

An after-dinner anecdote related in an upbeat, jaunty manner. Good use of rhythm and rhyme building to the pay-off. A genuinely amusing piece that is perfect anthology material, or a collection if the author has more of the same.

 

Winter Ways (for Paul, not Robert)  (Commended)

Couched in a series of questions, the structure works very well, with its literary nod to Robert Frost and, for readers who are aware of it, fancifully extending the premise of the famous original. The poem succeeds both as a complement to The Road Not Taken and perhaps even more so on its own merits. Impressive, and so very skilful in its use of rhyme and rhythm, the poem contains some memorable lines like “Do you recall a hare like hopping snow/leaping down the path to where you stood...?” and “...the owl with feathers like white fires?” Also the surreal image of “...winter’s finger gods who pick up riff-raff/ sticks to beat the passer by...”

Beautifully written, successive readings reveal the subtleties of controlled composition.

 

Waiting to Cross Croydon High Street in the Rain (Commended)

This title sets the tone for a street scene recorded in extended metaphor, almost dream-like, which is well-sustained by its choice of water-related language. Narrowing its focus as it progresses, the poem finally hits a whimsical, introspective note, imagining this might be a shared thought, and ending on a meditation ― “Who are we?” Neatly crafted and economical, the poem brings the moment to life and shares it with the reader, like snapshots from a holiday.

 

Summer, 1984 (Highly Commended)

I love this poem for its matter-of-factness, and its bravery in the face of current media hysteria regarding “children” and incidents termed “abuse” that hog the headlines. Here, the author takes a refreshingly candid and broadminded approach and relates an incident of “flashing” with humour and without embarrassment. Far from damaging, the result proves positive in its outcome. Both personal and social comment, this down-to-earth treatment makes the point well. The poem is funny and entertaining.

 

Derwent Drive (Highly Commended)

As detailed as a film set moodily lit, Derwent Drive is a road described from memory ― the recollections (possibly enhanced a little by imagination) of a 12-year-old child’s fearful perception of something nightmare-ish and haunting. The description and eerie atmosphere is well-sustained, the disturbing aspects communicated with suitably chilling language. I particularly like the use of ‘peristaltic’ with regard to moving images of people and cars seen though uneven panes of glass ― the strange, almost funfair ‘Hall of Mirrors’ effect. The image of the cemetery wall mentioned in the first and last stanza brackets the poem well, underlining the sense of dread.

 

The Gift (Winner of the Chanctonbury Cup)

This poem just sings off the page. Lyrical, romantic, wistful ― it flows effortlessly, always in control, and incorporating rhyme so that it falls naturally into the structure, never impeding the rhythm. The sentiment comes across as an unselfconscious love song ― genuinely sweet and simply expressed. Proof that everyday words in the hands of a skilled writer can produce a truly beautiful poem.

 

Now a word about presentation, and a well-meant piece of advice to anyone entering a competition such as this one: read the rules thoroughly and make sure you abide by them. That way you give your entries the very best chance. Some competitions ― the big ones especially ― are ruthless, and will disqualify any entry that breaks the rules. Slipstream are more lenient, but that doesn’t mean that the judge won’t notice infringements, and this results in a poem getting noticed for the wrong reasons. Anonymity is paramount, so make your entry blend with the others rather than stand out. It is the poem that needs to impress, so let it speak for itself. Coloured ink, illustrations, oversized and fancy fonts are a distraction to the judge and, while not wishing to sound harsh, are more likely to prejudice against rather than influence in favour. Do check and double-check spelling and punctuation. If you can, get someone else to read each piece carefully, as a fresh eye is more likely to spot typing errors than you are. Judges will notice mistakes, and some are less forgiving than others and might dismiss an entry for what they see as carelessness, even if the writing itself is good. Present your work on crisp, white A4; use a black serif font such as Times New Roman or similar, (serif fonts are easier on the eye than sans serif ones) 11 or 12 point; use bold print only for the title. If the rules permit handwritten entries (and few do) then print clearly; your handwriting may not be as easy to read as you think. Always make the effort to give your poems titles, otherwise it gives the impression you can’t think of one, plus a well-chosen title often adds substantially to the understanding of a poem and anchors it in the reader’s mind. If I was able to award a prize for best title, it would go to ‘Wunderkammer’ ― meaning wonder room or cabinet of curiosities ― as the word encapsulates both tone and content, and is intriguing in itself.

 

I would like to thank all the entrants for allowing me to read their work ― it has proved an interesting and valuable experience ― and I wish everyone good luck in any future competitions they enter.

 

Jean Margaret Harvey

April 2012           

 

THE WINNING POEM

 

The Gift - Clifford Hughes

 

Liberia, bountiful woman,

you should have been my mother,

taught me life.

But something lay between us

like an ocean

and I fell too quickly

from the sky.

 

Liberia, laughing strangers,

we could have shared our secrets,

whispered lies.

But someone must have seen us

like two children

misbehaving, the grit

in jealousy’s cruel eye.

 

Your landscape laid out in the sun,

warm as drying grain,

beautiful as a young girl’s smile,

glistens like a bright new wedding band,

polished by steaming rain.

 

O Africa,

the precious gift you gave me

is still wrapped, its ribbons tied.

O Africa,

you had the power to save me,

like the lonely man who meets his future bride.

I can’t accept, it’s undeserved, don’t be offended.

It took an endless night of sorrow to decide.

 

Your history too painful to be learned,

your gift must be returned

unopened, with the remnants of my pride.

This sadness is a song that can’t be ended –

the heart you once befriended

takes its rhythm from the cold Atlantic tide.

 

Liberia, beautiful children,

we would have sung sweet love songs,

tears and sighs.

But you were sleeping near me,

breathing like the ocean

and I fell too quickly,

like one about to die.

 

Highly Commended 

             Derwent Drive   - Diana Mitchener   

 

            Alighting from the 11 bus on Sea View Road

            at the stop where buses turn left to the Depot

            you wait to dodge a yellow double decker

            before approaching the cul-de-sac of Derwent Drive:

           Edwardian, blank-windowed, inhabited sarcophargi.

           The road ends at the cemetery wall.

 

          No one stops to chat to a trailing 12-year-old.

          Here, houses are silent, people reserved, withdrawn

          from the bold frontage to back living rooms

          and iron-railinged gardens.  Only cats

          move freely, only near-neighbours exchange nods,

          only poplars lift their heads, rustle and whisper.

 

          Here, windows are Utility, thick, glazed

          unevenly so that looking out and down

          people pass in peristaltic motion, cars

         elongate and shrink, swim to their berths.

         Trees sway in the cemetery, but so

         do gravestones.  Their movements are un-nerving.

 

          I often used to sense when I was younger

         that They were observing me, stealing through

         the top sash window on damp nights, whispering

        about me as I slept.  Glazed eye-balls through glassy

        window panes, marbled hands on counterpane,

        blank reflections in dressing-table mirror.

 

         Do I go back?  Only in bad dreams.

         Only when life seems stagnant and I repeat

         an automatic daily ritual, when life

         seems once again a cul-de-sac, a street

         of uncommunicative houses, silent neighbours,

         and at the end, a cemetery wall.

 

Highly Commended  

       Summer 1984 - Juliet West - Not yet available.

 

Commended

Waiting To Cross Croydon High Street In The Rain - Clifford Hughes

 

I’m watching for a gap.

A 466 goes drifting by…

a row of faces framed, like prisoners

on a strange submarine,

staring out at the underwater peepshow.

A million darting colours

amid the teeming reef

of shops, cafés, pavements.

Some with exhausted eyes

see nothing,

have seen it all.

 

I’m twitching to dive,

swim across and feed,

but the hulk wallows,

my way is blocked.

 

Aboard, unknowable souls

chanced together, in transit

to home or job,

appointment or affair,

pondering their fates.

 

Lives held in a moment,

captive behind glass

like a photograph.

But the image on my retinas

fades in seconds.

In a line-up,

I could never pick them out.

 

Except one, a girl

about ten years old,

harpoons me with her gaze

so that all I can do is return it.

 

What is this world, we seem to say,

Who are we?

 

  Special Mention      

           Recognition - Marion Sharville - Not yet available